Julian's Progress

I had written about my nine year old son Julian's battles with anxiety over the summer.  Here's an update:  He has been seeing his doctor every week now for a month and is doing much better.  I had come up with the idea to allow him to say he was worried about me once a day in the summer and the rest of the day distract the anxiety with positive thoughts.  I ran this one by the doctor in August and he said Julian needs to stop himself from saying he was worried about me altogether.  Positive reinforcement is the only way to do this.  If he did not say this six out of seven days he got a prize.  This motivates his brain to stop the pattern.  We have done this for a month and it has worked wonders.  This method can be used for any child experiencing anxiety that prohibits them from getting through a normal day.  Maybe a child has an unreasonable fear of going to school.  You can't keep a child home just because he doesn't want to go.  There were many days last year I sent my son to school with an anxious stomach ache.  It always cleared up an hour after school started.  You could give your child a small gift if he made it to school every day that week and slowly up the ante from there. 

Of course, it helps to have a great teacher which Julian has been blessed with this year.  She is more concerned with helping him succeed rather than focusing on every class rule he might accidentally break. (Can you tell I'm scarred from last year?)  He has shifted from hating school to looking forward to every day.  I am volunteering on Tuesday for the first time this year and can't wait. 

And Both Were Young

This is the title to a Madeleine L'Engle book I just finished today.  I haven't read a book of hers since I was 14.  I remember getting introduced to her Wrinkle in Time series in sixth grade.   It was different to me in many ways.  How many sci-fi books could you find with a female protagonist?  Most books I read then featured a club of babysitters or twins at a high school.  Not only had her books touched me, her name did as well.  I thought the spelling of her name was so beautiful that I was determined then to spell my future daughter's name that way.

With that in mind, I came across a title I was unaware of in a used book store and paged through it.  It was her forward that got my attention.  Portions of her book that had been removed when originally published in 1949 were restored in her 1983 edition.  What sold me was the main character Phillipa Hunter experiences mirrored her own.  There is something I find most interesting when a fictional writer intertwines their personal experiences into their stories in obvious ways.  That is why Vilette by Charlotte Bronte is one of my favorites as well as L.M. Montgomery's Emily of New Moon series.  It is interesting to note how interconnected these three writers are.  L.M. Montgomery was inspired by Charlotte Bronte and Madeleine L'Engle was inspired by L.M. Montgomery.  I found an interesting quote from L'Engle on this topic:

"The books I read most as a child were by Lucy Maud Montgomery, who’s best known for her Anne of Green Gables stories, but I also liked Emily of New Moon. Emily was an only child, as I was. Emily lived on an island, as did I. Although Manhattan Island and Prince Edward Island are not very much alike, they are still islands. Emily’s father was dying of bad lungs, and so was mine. Emily had some dreadful relatives, and so did I. She had a hard time in school, and she also understood that there’s more to life than just the things that can be explained by encyclopedias and facts. Facts alone are not adequate. I love Emily." 

I couldn't help but see a pattern in my choice of authors.  So it was no surprise I loved And Both Were Young on many levels.  I can't help but identify with the awkward creative female character.  So was the case, when Philippa starts boarding school in Switzerland and has a hard time making friends.  Her only joy comes from Paul, a shy isolated only child teen with a mysterious past.  As Philippa (Flip for short) gets out of her comfort zone, she discovers how other girls in her school feel as isolated as she does in terms of family relationships.  This is a constant thread throughout:  The more she knows she needs to stand on her own two feet, the more she needs the comfort from a mother recently deceased and an absent but loving father.  What I found facinating about this was how these teenage characters craved a warm loving mother.  Can you imagine teenagers talking so openly about that today?  Is that even a necessity they would consider?  It's a necessity today more than ever. 

It is a must read for L'Engle fans or anyone that has become interested in her work since her passing a month ago.  I discovered on Amazon how many other non sci-fi books she had published and can't wait to read her autobiographical book Two Part Invention: The Story of a Marriage.

Do you work better one-on-one or in a group?

I ask this question pertaining to having friends.  This question does not apply if none of your friends are friends with eachother.  Then you have it easy.  You have selected individuals in your life for their personal attributes.  You can't assume all your friends could easily be friends with one another.  But if your friends are also friends with eachother, it can get messy.  If you're all at dinner together, someone is bound to be left out.  You might discover your friends are closer to eachother than to you.  Or somehow, whisper down the lane gets started, and by the time it gets back to you there is not an ounce of truth to it.  Well for whatever reason, I work better one-on-one.  This is not being anti-social.  This is what I find most fulfilling.  This is how you develop close friendships.  If you crave bar buddies or PTA mom parties, it's going to be impossible to get to really know what's in someone's head.  I find people act differently when in groups.  There is more a subconscious pressure to go with the flow of the group in conversation and a different opinion could make it all come to a screeching halt.  So what happens when a "group" person and a "one-on-one" become friends?  A stalemate.

My Book Persona

Uh...

You're Ulysses!

by James Joyce

Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared
to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do
understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once
brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in
the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you
additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

John Lennon the Jerk

I don't like to call people names.  It pains me to call one of my idols a jerk.  But I just finished reading John by Cynthia Lennon.  Her basis of the book is not to bad mouth him either.  Just to say it like it was.  I loved every minute of it.  She was writing a piece of history like she was writing in her journal.  Very warm and heartfelt toward the man that caused her such pain.  Yet also expressing regret and giving an accurate explanation of a key part of music history.  There has been the John Lennon that Yoko has (commercially) promoted since his death and there is the real John before drugs overtook his life. She explains what life was like growing up in Liverpool in the 40s and 50s. We learn in the book why John would be attracted to a person like Cynthia. Why one minute he wants to be a better husband and the next he's going through a third party wanting a divorce.  Why would John be attracted to Yoko?  Can I spoil that one for you? John grew up in a controling, nothing's-ever-good-enough household raised by his aunt Mimi.  He found those characteristics subconsciously appealing in Yoko.  She herself had admitted aunt Mimi and her had a lot in common. This blew my mind as one of his fans.  Reading this book has made me destroy the pedestal I had put him on.  It also has made me view Yoko in a new light.  It was hard for Cynthia to say nice things about Yoko even though she tried. Why would that be a problem? Because in all honesty there is not much there to say. I hope Yoko is embarassed for the way she has acted toward John's family. Public opinion used to be so cruel to Yoko and I know that has cooled down in decades since his death.  Well everyone was right. She's got problems. This eye-opening book is must read for anyone who loves the Beatles or wants another reason to say that drugs destroy families. 

Too Sentimental for My Own Good

Do you ever have a day when you wish you could revisit the past?  For some reason, today is that day for me.  I e-mailed my childhood friend who lives in L.A.  telling him how much I missed him. Then, I wrote a poem about a long lost best friend I had in high school.  Not satisfied, I looked her up on the internet and her name popped right up (past searches never showed much). Years ago, I  tried contacting her through Classmates.com but wasn't sure if she got the message or maybe she didn't want to hear from me. So today for some reason, I got up the nerve to e-mail her. Now I'm very anxious if she will write me back.  There was never closure to our relationship, she moved to England and never told me her new address.  So why 11 years later should I care? There is something about our relationships in childhood that are so pure, so endearing that most adult relationships can't fulfill.  Those few adult friends I do have I don't take for granted, knowing how hurt I have been by people I thought were friends in the past.  Will my old friend brush me off?  I tend to have the ability to go to the past in my mind and recall things vividly.  I remember her like it was yesterday. In my e-mail, I wrote like we had only lost touch for a few months.  It hurts when people don't remember you the same way.  It makes the people who do, that much more special.

Is It 1957 or 2007?

There was a construction worker outside near my home a month ago talking very loudly to a guy inside the house they were working on.  My children and I were leaving our house for the day when I hear the worker make a joke with the N-word in it.  My first instinct was to shield my children's ears from a bad word.  Then I thought, this goes way beyond a bad word.  I put them in the car and made my presence known to the guy.

"I'm glad I'm not black." I said sarcastically.

He said,"Oh, didn't see you there."  (Obviously blind and ignorant)

"You need to watch your language."  I berated.

He brushed me off with a sorry and I starting fuming.

"Well it's not so much the language but the attitude that's behind it!" 

I was shaking as I got back in the car.  I'm not one prone to yell at strangers but it needed to be done. There have been racial incidents in our area in the past five years and I didn't want this idiot to think our community put up with it.  Well, nothing like what a Newsweek article recently published about a small town in Louisiana.  It was quoted that the community there still lives in the past and are going through a very tough time because of that. It mentioned parts of a high school were still traditionally segregated. Gimme a break! What's a good hearted white person to do when surrounded by ignorant white people?  Don't put up with it!  Tell those around you that hating or making fun of other people is not okay. Don't just laugh along with them to not make waves.  I feel better for taking a stand on what should be an archaic issue.