An Unspoken Code

Experts say that children with autism lack social graces that are inborn in us.  They might speak their mind matter-of-factly even if it hurts someone's feelings and then lack the ability to sympathize.  I want to know what is the excuse if you aren't autistic.  If you confide in someone your deepest feelings and fears, what gives a friend the right to tell the exact person you're worried about everything you said.  I tend to take common sense for granted.  I take for granted that the average human being will internalize a friend's confidences that would then create a bond of closeness.  There is an unspoken code that the brain utlilizes in dealing with fellow humans.  If a person confides in you something it should not be a goal to tell another person (especially the person you're worried about) what someone has said in order to spare their feelings.  Now if bodily harm or kidnapping might result, it would be wise to tell said person of such. 

Now I have someone I love very dearly worried and insulted all because someone didn't know when to keep their mouth shut.  Since such a person might read my blog I can't go into details.  Hopefully they have the sense to know it's them.  But for the general reader, don't take social graces for granted.  And don't think just because you have common sense, the person you're confiding in does too, even if (especially if) they are a family member.  Next time I'll interview the next candidate I talk to.

The Only Advantage to Being Alone...

My daughter started preschool this week.  I have been raving to my friends how great this alone time will be.  Afterall, I spent all of my 20s pregnant, nursing or caring for an offspring in one way or another.  She's the last one out of the nest.  I should feel esctatic!  Dropping her off at preschool, I felt happy for her.  She's not a sit at home kind of girl.  She knew the moment was bittersweet as well.  One minute she's pushing me to my car, the next she says she loves me and kisses me goodbye.  Aloneness.  Freedom.  I felt for a minute like a crazy reckless teenager.  I could go anywhere, do anything.  But that quickly passed, and I felt sad to be alone.  I remembered the one thing I couldn't do with my kids that I love:  belting out sad Broadway songs.  My kids hate that.  Nothing makes me feel more alive than singing those songs.  The first time I discovered this was going to get in the way of my children enjoying their homelife with me, was when my son was two.  I thought I was alone doing dishes one night.  I was listening to the soundtrack of Ragtime  when Audra McDonald sings "Your Daddy's Son." One of my favorite songs of all time, but very depressing.  I open my eyes at the end of the chours to see my son looking terrified of me, like he didn't know who I was.   I calmed him down but realized I would be limited in my song choice from now on.  So I have discovered the one advantage to being by myself for those hours:  Broadway's most heart-wrenching soundtrack filling my house.  Now I just have to worry about complaints from the neighbors.