First Day of School

Yesterday was Madeleine's first day of kindergarten, and Julian's first day of fifth grade. I wasn't sure how I would react. After all, it was Madeleine who would cry year after year seeing her brother get on the bus and not very thrilled to be coming back home with me. She was an independent explorer that having a mother around could only mean limits were set and fences put in place. As the days grew closer, I could see she was starting to grasp what it really meant to be away from home: venturing out without anyone to really lean on, and without someone who is carrying your snacks in her purse. We shared a heightened bond her last month before school. We regressed a little back to her toddler days of singing baby songs I made up and extra snuggles. Normally she would have been like, "Ok, enough is enough." But that was not the case. Thank God, because I knew her life away from me would begin the moment she stepped on the bus. The life experiences she would have would start to not have me included in them. How I've wished to be a fly on the wall of my children's school just to see what their day is like.

Like I mentioned, she was nervous but excited. I told her sometimes it feels like there is butterflies in your tummy. She said, "I think I have two butterflies in my tummy." Our bus driver, Tom, was there all those years seeing her cry when she couldn't get on the bus. Sometimes he would let her come on the bus for a minute because he felt so bad. So both kids kissed me goodbye and walked on the bus. I didn't start to cry until the bus drove away. I felt empty, naked. Another strong emotion surfaced at the same time: I was so grateful for the time we did have together. Thankful for leaving that dentist job so long ago, that took so much time from her when she was little. Thankful for having the ability to turn down jobs that would take too much time from me being a mother. I feel for those moms forced to work 40+ work weeks and be away from their young children. For moms working 40+ hour work weeks that don't have to, but choose to, you made the wrong decision. Childhood is gone in the blink of an eye. It is something that the parent should savor and enjoy.

Instead of my ramblings, I'm sure you want to know how her first day went. She liked it a lot. She was nervous that no one would tell her where to go or what to do. Now she's an old pro. From getting to know various people over the years because of Julian, Madeleine already had a buddy to go into kindergarten with named Jenna. Her teacher is just as sweet as they come so I'm very excited for her and for me when I start volenteering in her class.

Julian was calm about this year and was happy when he came home. He likes his teacher and has no complaints so far. I'm just waiting for all that homework to come home and it'll be a different story then. I'm just sad our summer is over...